WARNING: VENT SESSION COMMENCING......
First off let me say how much I love my children! They are blessings from God and I will not take advantage of that! And B.) I love my kids, I love my kids, I love my kids. Hoping if I repeat it enough times it will calm me down.
There are good days and bad days in motherhood, and today I'm the bug splattered all over the windshield. I have absolutely no patience left at all with my kids! I know there are other mothers out there like me, but right now I'm feeling pretty alone and guilty about yelling at my children every 5 min. I thought living in Virginia without the help of family was pretty harsh, but I'm here in Texas no more than 10 min from my mother and no husband to soften the blows of those bright-eyed, beautiful children of ours that are running a muck. I feel some days like I am trapped in this house and have no place to go. (Technically, I do, but ya know what I mean). It is extremely difficult to have a husband who is overseas with his wife trying desperately to mentally stay afloat. My 5 yo, God thank you for her, is the biggest help to me in those deep dark times where my brain turns off and I just want to be on a beach somewhere. She can instantly tell I'm not having a good day and that the twins have defeated me. She runs to me and gives me a hug and a kiss and tells me it will be OK. She helps me try to pick up whatever the twins have strewn all over the floor, yet again, and takes them outside to play.
I do NOT have a clean house by any means and it will probably stay that way for the next 10 years, but who cares. Nor do I have that "I am woman, here me roar" attitude, although I feel that in other ways, like when my 2yo daughter has just purposefully thrown her half full cup on the floor, "I am MOM and watch me spank your little butt!" (who then turns around and does something else on purpose and then gets put in time out...for an hour!....well maybe not that long.) So onto the next little thing that I know 2yo just do because that's the way they are. I appreciate everyone's advice and asking me what they can do to help, but when you're the one that has no breaks and have to clean up mess after mess after mess, all while trying to get schoolwork done, then you'll really no my frustrations. Let's be honest here, if there are any mothers out there that do not have any kind of frustrations and are perfect at being mommy and Suzy homemaker, please let me know what drug they're on so I can immediately go to my doc and get a prescrip! =)
But no matter how strung out and stressed out I get over my kids, there is ALWAYS that time in the day that they are perfect little angels, playing peacefully and somehow making me laugh. Why, oh why, can't that be every second of every day???????
Signed,
Desperately Seeking Serenity
No comments:
Post a Comment